#1 : Knock Knock Jokes
Q: Why can't you tell blondes knock-knock jokes?
A: Because they go answer the door.
#2 The Other Side
A blonde and a brunette are on opposite sides of a river. The brunette wants to get across. She yells across to the blonde, "Hey, how do I get to the other side?" The blonde shakes her head and yells back "People like you really piss me off. You ARE on the other side!"
I pulled into the parking lot of a crowded supermarket the other day and rolled down the windows to make sure my new Labrador puppy had some fresh air. He was sprawled out on the backseat and wanted to make sure he understood that I wanted him to remain there and not jump over my seats. I walked backward away from the car constantly saying, "Stay. Good boy. You stay there. STAY. STAY."
Just then a pretty blonde lady walked by and said, "You know, you won't have that problem if you just put the car in PARK."
#4 The Library
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of a library and said, "I have a complaint!" "Yes, ma'am?" "I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!" "What was wrong with it?" "It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!" The librarian nodded and said, "Ah. So you must be the person who took our phone book."
A blonde keeps having the same weird dream, so she goes to her psychologist. psychologist: "What is your dream about?" Blonde: "I am being chased by a vampire..." psychologist: "So, where are you in this dream?" Blonde: "I am running in a hallway." psychologist: "Then what happens?" Blonde: "Well, that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happens. I always come to a door,
but it won't budge!" psychologist: "Does the door have any letters on it?" Blonde: "Yes." psychologist: "And what do these letter spell?" Blonde:
"P.. U... L... L..."
#6 Name Tag
Q: What did the blonde customer say after reading the buxom waitress' name tag?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one?''
#7 The Ventriloquist
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee."
#8 School Girl
A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled. "We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde," her mother replied.
The next day, the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" Yes, pumpkin, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "No... it's because you're 25."
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1 year ago